SLEEP

I'm so tired.
I want a night of SLEEP so badly.

For seven years and four months I have longed for SLEEP.

My days fly by with endless chores, paperwork (mainly forms for trying to get help), diapers changes and more.
By the end of the day I'm Exhausted.
All I want to do is lay down and get a good night of SLEEP,
BUT
I know that's not an option.
I lay down, set my timer for 2 hours and try to fall to SLEEP.
I guess my body has gotten so use to no SLEEP that one of the most difficult things for me now is falling to SLEEP.
Trammell checks David one last time before he goes to SLEEP usually around 10:00 and then turns the timer on.
I jump up when it goes off and reset it after I check on David.

The nights seem endless.

It seems as if the timer is going off right when I'm finally falling back to SLEEP. 
I check David's diaper, PRAYING that it's dry.  Hoping that if it is wet that his shirt and bedpad are dry.
(There's nothing like trying to change a 165lb "two year old" in the middle of the night)
Hoping that if I have to change his diaper that he doesn't do what he usually does by wetting the new diaper five minutes after I put it on him.
(We do what we've come to call the "DOUBLE DIAPER CHECK")
Checking his diaper after we clean up from changing his diaper.  Six times out of ten he has wet the new one AND two times out of ten he will wet a third diaper five minutes after that. Don't ask me why.
(And yes, we have tried all the suggestions about giving him liquids, not giving him liquids after a certain time, what liquid to give him and what not to give him.  We've tried it all.)

I Really feel at times that I can't go on. 
I'm so tired. 
I get so downhearted. 
I just want someone to take care of me for a change.
BUT then I am reminded of my favorite Bible Verse,

Isaiah 40:31
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Starting tonight Trammell and I are beginning an experiment we've talked about before but this time we are really going to do it. 
I feel I really Need this.
I will try and fall to SLEEP by 9pm.
Trammell will check David at 10pm before he goes to SLEEP and set the timer for 3 hours.
I will get up at 1:00am to check David and then set the timer for 3 hours and put it near Trammell (he has a VERY HARD TIME hearing the timer go off). He will get up when it goes off at 4:00am and check David, reset the timer for 7:00am which is when we usually wake up anyway, and place it near me.
Praying this gives me more rest. 
Praying this gives me more SLEEP.
THANK YOU TRAMMELL For All You Do For Your Dad and me.